wow, has a stranger just put to words the story of my past 3 months? it's just weird how I've been in the exact same situation you are describing but inversed. she was the one that started the conversation, we've been out 2 afternoons since the start of it and up until a month ago communication was good, almost every day and mostly reciprocal. but recently-ish she stopped showing that much interest, I've been the one starting the conversations and... she didn't ghost me but I feel like she's just lost interest. the last time I asked her out she said she didn't have the time for it, and for a fact I know she (mostly) didn't. now what do I do? i guess I should let go but I don't know if I can do that. anyways thanks for this amazing article
Oh you definitely can. I am in a similar situation as well. It’s a decision you take gradually. It’s in tiny bits and fragment. Slowly, you would start noticing that you no longer mourn or crave that closeness. I wish you the best though.
thank you for your comment, I do believe so, if only it where easier. you know, I'm reading dostoyevsky's white nights and there is this ever present idea that people should just express their feelings openly, clearly and simply. no more excuses nor making a game out of other people's and even their own feelings. God... if only everyone read dostoyevsky
I’m way late but if you’re in the same situation then the best solution is to leave trust me. If you have to filter yourself and shrink your self for love then you’d be neglecting yourself for the sake of being chosen.
never too late for good advice, Im the one who's late (unfortunately I've been away from substack for quite a while, hope that changes) I get what you are trying to say, but at the same time I don't feel like I have to filter nor shrink myself with her and most importantly I wish not to loose a friend I've just made, do you get it? It's hard I know, we've been talking more lately but its the same old on and off friendzone kind of talk
Maybe she even stumbled upon article like this..jk
On a serious note , we all have faced such situations at times.and we all can agree how unproductive it felt looking back ..
Now i believe you also have read the article.. soon you will get to realise what the connection really was but only after a time of reflection... As it wasn't their... often it's just us who creates their delusional self .. but actually isn't their ..
And I feel we all need to put boundaries and be mindful of before allowing someone to root in us .. so that we don't end up at the stage of practicing 'law of detachment'..
As this accessibility of people being at on tab it's just saturating the Art of real / realtime connections and Art of putting efforts...
So , just remember 'when something leaves, it's god creating room something much better'..
YES!!! I am super against the talking stage before meeting someone for example. It is not real. Also, we are all adults with a million things to do. If you are glued to your phone all the time that is not a flex. That means you are not busy enough with non digital real life things.
"The problem with constant communication is that it tricks you into feeling like you’re owed something — effort, consistency, presence". THIS. This line resonated with me so much. I'd also like to add that constant communication builds expectations and when not met, it hurts. And you start to question if they care at all or if you ask for too much...
This is where I do my own shadow work about the longing and attachments. Its been a healing situation ✨️ I do believe we are all refelections of each other. And that "false intimacy" gives an opportunity to unpack some things within.
the thing is, i don’t mind not talking everyday, or one needs a few days away. as long as i’m made aware of. but ghosting is just plain wrong for me.
ppl are busy, have their own business, probably dealing with something. but if you’re dating someone or you talk to someone daily, i think it’s right to set clear expectations.
I have a super close LDR friendship & it took us a while to learn how to build closeness after the initial "omg txt & call 24/7!" wore off. We've spent a week together in person by now, and are planning our next in-person for June, which feels way too far away because you're right---the in person adds a completely new, spiritual layer that deepens or exponentiates what's there digitally (when there is a genuine foundation). And though he and I have established patterns around communication that work for us, I can still catch myself going, "No afternoon text?!" Sigh...
So true to what I’ve experienced recently - definitely taking into 2026 to reduce down my texting with boys in the earlier stages.. seems to never end well!
This was incredible, put my feelings into words. At times I like to think, "if this were 1990 would I care so much that I didn't receive a text?" It also ties into how social media curates faux connection with friends, seeing their day to day without actually having to communicate and form intricate bonds.
I love what you wrote, and I think it works for friendships too. I used to think I would lose my friends if we didn't text every day
Thank you! And I agree, it works in all relationships
I used to have the same mindset too
wow, has a stranger just put to words the story of my past 3 months? it's just weird how I've been in the exact same situation you are describing but inversed. she was the one that started the conversation, we've been out 2 afternoons since the start of it and up until a month ago communication was good, almost every day and mostly reciprocal. but recently-ish she stopped showing that much interest, I've been the one starting the conversations and... she didn't ghost me but I feel like she's just lost interest. the last time I asked her out she said she didn't have the time for it, and for a fact I know she (mostly) didn't. now what do I do? i guess I should let go but I don't know if I can do that. anyways thanks for this amazing article
Im glad you enjoyed the read!
Oh you definitely can. I am in a similar situation as well. It’s a decision you take gradually. It’s in tiny bits and fragment. Slowly, you would start noticing that you no longer mourn or crave that closeness. I wish you the best though.
thank you for your comment, I do believe so, if only it where easier. you know, I'm reading dostoyevsky's white nights and there is this ever present idea that people should just express their feelings openly, clearly and simply. no more excuses nor making a game out of other people's and even their own feelings. God... if only everyone read dostoyevsky
I’m way late but if you’re in the same situation then the best solution is to leave trust me. If you have to filter yourself and shrink your self for love then you’d be neglecting yourself for the sake of being chosen.
oh i hear this. I might’ve responded based on my experience.
never too late for good advice, Im the one who's late (unfortunately I've been away from substack for quite a while, hope that changes) I get what you are trying to say, but at the same time I don't feel like I have to filter nor shrink myself with her and most importantly I wish not to loose a friend I've just made, do you get it? It's hard I know, we've been talking more lately but its the same old on and off friendzone kind of talk
Me too, it sucks.
It’s so hard to let go 😭
Maybe she even stumbled upon article like this..jk
On a serious note , we all have faced such situations at times.and we all can agree how unproductive it felt looking back ..
Now i believe you also have read the article.. soon you will get to realise what the connection really was but only after a time of reflection... As it wasn't their... often it's just us who creates their delusional self .. but actually isn't their ..
And I feel we all need to put boundaries and be mindful of before allowing someone to root in us .. so that we don't end up at the stage of practicing 'law of detachment'..
As this accessibility of people being at on tab it's just saturating the Art of real / realtime connections and Art of putting efforts...
So , just remember 'when something leaves, it's god creating room something much better'..
( Just my opinion,open for others )
YES!!! I am super against the talking stage before meeting someone for example. It is not real. Also, we are all adults with a million things to do. If you are glued to your phone all the time that is not a flex. That means you are not busy enough with non digital real life things.
Yesss
"The problem with constant communication is that it tricks you into feeling like you’re owed something — effort, consistency, presence". THIS. This line resonated with me so much. I'd also like to add that constant communication builds expectations and when not met, it hurts. And you start to question if they care at all or if you ask for too much...
This is where I do my own shadow work about the longing and attachments. Its been a healing situation ✨️ I do believe we are all refelections of each other. And that "false intimacy" gives an opportunity to unpack some things within.
“Don’t confuse attention for intention.”🫶🏼
the thing is, i don’t mind not talking everyday, or one needs a few days away. as long as i’m made aware of. but ghosting is just plain wrong for me.
ppl are busy, have their own business, probably dealing with something. but if you’re dating someone or you talk to someone daily, i think it’s right to set clear expectations.
What about a potential long distance relationship 😭
I think that’s a little different, but I’d say phone calls and FT are more intentional
This doesn’t apply to long distance relationships entirely.
Exactly what I was about to ask too
every girl (me) needs to understand this!!!
🩵🩵
Well written, i also read somewhere here that “attention is the cheapest form of intimacy” and i feel like it goes along with this .
Thank you!
This was meant to find me cause why is it Soo relatable, beautiful piece
Thank you !
Thank you for this. Great read.
I have a super close LDR friendship & it took us a while to learn how to build closeness after the initial "omg txt & call 24/7!" wore off. We've spent a week together in person by now, and are planning our next in-person for June, which feels way too far away because you're right---the in person adds a completely new, spiritual layer that deepens or exponentiates what's there digitally (when there is a genuine foundation). And though he and I have established patterns around communication that work for us, I can still catch myself going, "No afternoon text?!" Sigh...
I think it’s completely natural to have that expectation, I’m glad that this article can serve as a reminder 🖤
So true to what I’ve experienced recently - definitely taking into 2026 to reduce down my texting with boys in the earlier stages.. seems to never end well!
Yes! Honestly
So true and important to know. Beautifully written. ✨🫶
Thank you 💗💗
for real.
Another banger. You should definitely post more of your sub stack on tik tok. I'm hooked 🙌🏾
Thank you 💗💗
This was incredible, put my feelings into words. At times I like to think, "if this were 1990 would I care so much that I didn't receive a text?" It also ties into how social media curates faux connection with friends, seeing their day to day without actually having to communicate and form intricate bonds.
Thank you!