Why Constant Communication Creates a False Sense of Intimacy

The illusion of closeness that comes from constant texting

I saw a TikTok recently of a girl complaining that she’d been ghosted — again — by someone she’d been in constant communication with. And it made me realise how, nowadays, texting someone all day can create a false sense of intimacy.

We’ve all been there…looking at our phones the second it vibrates, hoping it’s them. Feeling the comfort of waking up to a good morning text, having someone check in on your day, and by lunchtime, you’ve already talked about your whole morning routine, what you ate for breakfast, and every small detail that doesn’t really matter but feels so personal in the moment.

The more you text, the closer you feel.

You know their every move.

How that dinner with their friends went, something funny their pet did that random Wednesday evening, that they read a chapter of their book before bed, and that they call their mum every day. It feels intimate, like you’ve learned someone in a way nobody else has.

But then reality hits.
Because you can text someone every single day and still get ghosted.

The problem with constant communication is that it tricks you into feeling like you’re owed something — effort, consistency, presence. And the moment that routine is disrupted and the usual afternoon check-in doesn’t come, your mind spirals. It’s not just silence; it’s a crash.

And when you mix constant communication with the normality of ghosting in today’s dating world, it becomes dangerous. The idea that someone you’ve built a digital closeness with can suddenly cut you out of their day… It’s jarring. You get used to having them as part of your routine, something to look forward to, and then it’s gone.

That’s why I always tell my friends not to be in constant communication with someone they’re dating.

Not because of the potential of being ghosted, but because the false intimacy that comes from nonstop texting can blur your judgment of how close you actually are to someone.

Real connection, real chemistry, real compatibility happen in person.
It’s in noticing the small things, how someone blinks when they laugh, how they crack their fingers when they’re nervous, their energy when they walk into a room. Not from texting someone what you ate for lunch every single day.

And I know, it feels nice to know there’s someone to text, having something to look forward to, but that digital comfort isn’t the connection you’re really craving. What you want is something deeper, something human, something you can feel in real time.

Constant communication floods your brain with dopamine, tiny hits of validation that make you feel connected even when the relationship hasn’t actually formed yet. It feels like bonding, but really, it’s just repetition dressed up as intimacy.

I’m not saying you have to leave someone on read all day, but you do have to de-centre constant communication in the early stages of dating if you want a clear understanding of who that person really is.

Because sometimes, we’re not bonding with the person, we’re bonding with the idea of who we hope they are. The version we text is always slightly curated, slightly softer, slightly more charming than the person we meet in real life.

Texting gives you closeness, but being with someone gives you connection. One fills the silence; the other fills the space between you.

Don’t confuse attention for intention.